Well, I spent the weekend with B. I just got back, and got word that I’ll be moving this weekend, so now I have to spend the week packing, while B is at work and seeing his Son.

Anyway, B and I had a pretty stressful few hours on Saturday. I supposedly said something in a way that created a scene at target, when all I did was ask him what he was doing. I was wondering why he wasn’t getting the bags out of the cart. He went ahead and informed me of the fact that I created a scene, which in turned almost caused another one. Before this happened I wanted to hold his hand while we were shopping, and he informed me I was creating a scene then as well. That just really upset me, I took it more as he was embarrassed to hold my hand or something.  Anyway  I told him when we got in the car, that I was done, I didn’t want to deal with him or his all mighty attitude anymore.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and praying about our relationship, if this is what God wants for me then I’m all about it but if its not I need a sign from him, and the way I’ve been treated lately is kind of in a way a sign, but then B goes and acts all sweet and lovely, then I take that as a sign I’m supposed to be with him. Its so frustrating!!!

Anyway I told B that he gets one more chance to not think before he says something that he knows will upset me, and then I’m done for sure. I think he respects that, and hopefully he won’t mess up cuz I love him so much!

Anyway, So I’ll be packing all week I’m moving and getting a roommate as I said, so you’ll probably hear more about that later.

I’m off to bed I’ve been feeling hung over all day, YET ONLY HAD HALF A BEER LAST NIGHT. So I don’t so much think its a hang over!

Have a Good night!!

KJ

Well, after a happy post must come a sad one right?? Anyway I’m going to be using this as a bit of therapy, which by the way I’ve come to the conclusion I need!!

Let me take you back a few months to November. November 4th to be exact, B’s son turns 2. A week prior, we had our 2 year anniversary. If that isn’t tough enough.

A day before Thanksgiving a get a call from B telling me his son has been put into foster care. (Prior to this son’s mom has had custody). B can’t fix the situation until the Monday after because it being a holiday weekend and all social services is closed. Turns out son (we’ll call him A) was outside NAKED in the cold tundra of the midwest (closer to canada then anything else) in November. Anyway A is okay now, however he is in B’s custody. Now B being a FO almost at his two year mark, can not provide the correct child care while at work for A. So A is now with B’s parents 4 states away.

This has created a few problems for us.

1) B has to split all his free time from work between me here and A four states away, which is about 3 days a week.

2) I’m now starting to feel resentment and anger towards B for having a child with another woman, other than being a little let down before that I wouldn’t have his first child, this is new. I don’t think I’ve ever been this upset about something that was needless to say just a mistake.

3) B and I fight alot now because of reason number 2. When I tell him I need more time than a day every week, which is about what I get, and the random 5 min phone calls here and there every day or so. He pulls the whole “what do you want me to do card” and other than telling him I need more time, I don’t know how he can fix it! BUT I NEED HIM TOO!!!

Tonight put me over the edge, when since Aug. we’ve been talking about taking a trip, and I tried to discuss it with him this weekend and was under the impression that he would be able to come. So tonight when I went to book my ticket (Spring Break season, I need to make sure I get there and get home on time!) He tells me if he can come it won’t be for the whole week. I’m just so full of anger towards the best guy in the whole world and even the cutest kid in the whole world, I don’t know what to do!

How do I get him to understand the pain I’m going through. Throughout our relationship, I’ve never had to share my time with anyone but the job. Now I’m splitting it with traveling to where A is and work and me. Its painful telling him I understand, when really I do, but I don’t think its fair, or when he asks me if his schedule is fine and telling him “no you can’t go see your son”. Thats tough, and not something I’m made to do.

SIGH

Are boys just really that emotionally clueless? Even the sensitive ones? And of coarse, my parents are worried about me but they don’t know what it feels like to go through this alone, neither do my friends. And don’t forget I’m trying to make it at my 40+ hour a week internship that includes classes and exams every freaking week!!! (I even have a final tomorrow) I’m so stressed out over my relationship that my studies are slacking. I’m really beginning to think I need therapy and medication to get through. That is not how I planned my life. And I don’t’ like planning it without B either.

Thats enough for tonight, I’ve calmed down a bit, maybe enough to even sleep.

Good night, and if you have any advice, please feel free to comment!

Well, after almost a year away from my site again, I’ve decided to post! I’ve survived 6 months on my own in a new town. My boyfriend, B, the pilot, has gotten his own place in a new town as well. We’re still together and going strong. He is getting ready to up-grade. And I’m starting my 2nd term at my internship for x-ray. I’m able to take chest x-rays and abdomen x-rays by myself already! Its been very exciting!!! I’m getting a roommate in Feb. She needs to get out of the living situation she is in, so I’m being a good friend and getting a new place! Hopefully it will go well! Anyway thats about all thats happening right now, I hope everyone had a good holiday season! and I promise to start posting more!

ps. still no ring!