Well, I’m been living with Jess for 2 weeks now, all is going well, its kind of a nice change from coming home to an empty place. I do miss some of my old place, i.e. the storage. But thats about it!

As for this coming weeks events,

Valentine’s Day! B was already given his present, I got him a grill pan for his gas stove top. He enjoyed it I like to think. Anyway we won’t be together on the 14th as he has to be at a custody hearing. So I’m a little bummed about that as it is cutting into my time with him. He was also suppose to work the 14th, but had to do some switching. Turned out that scheduling was willing to work with him. SURPRISE SURPRISE!

However, we will be together on Tuesday and a little bit of the day on Wednesday. I’m hoping he realizes how important this year is to me. I feel like we’ve kind of been drifting apart the last few months with all the custody stuff going on. Therefore I want our own special valentine’s day to be really romantic, and I hope he knows that. I’m not saying I want a ring and all that jazz, just maybe a gift and a date with a little bit of thought put into it. I’ve loved my flowers the last two years, but He uses his american express points to buy them, and this year I want something more, unexpected I guess.

Anyway,
I have to be up at 6 for clinicals so I’m off to bed. Have a wonderful night.

Well, I spent the weekend with B. I just got back, and got word that I’ll be moving this weekend, so now I have to spend the week packing, while B is at work and seeing his Son.

Anyway, B and I had a pretty stressful few hours on Saturday. I supposedly said something in a way that created a scene at target, when all I did was ask him what he was doing. I was wondering why he wasn’t getting the bags out of the cart. He went ahead and informed me of the fact that I created a scene, which in turned almost caused another one. Before this happened I wanted to hold his hand while we were shopping, and he informed me I was creating a scene then as well. That just really upset me, I took it more as he was embarrassed to hold my hand or something.  Anyway  I told him when we got in the car, that I was done, I didn’t want to deal with him or his all mighty attitude anymore.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and praying about our relationship, if this is what God wants for me then I’m all about it but if its not I need a sign from him, and the way I’ve been treated lately is kind of in a way a sign, but then B goes and acts all sweet and lovely, then I take that as a sign I’m supposed to be with him. Its so frustrating!!!

Anyway I told B that he gets one more chance to not think before he says something that he knows will upset me, and then I’m done for sure. I think he respects that, and hopefully he won’t mess up cuz I love him so much!

Anyway, So I’ll be packing all week I’m moving and getting a roommate as I said, so you’ll probably hear more about that later.

I’m off to bed I’ve been feeling hung over all day, YET ONLY HAD HALF A BEER LAST NIGHT. So I don’t so much think its a hang over!

Have a Good night!!

KJ

Well, after a happy post must come a sad one right?? Anyway I’m going to be using this as a bit of therapy, which by the way I’ve come to the conclusion I need!!

Let me take you back a few months to November. November 4th to be exact, Ben’s son turns 2. A week prior, we had our 2 year anniversary. If that isn’t tough enough.

A day before Thanksgiving a get a call from B telling me his son has been put into foster care. (Prior to this son’s mom has had custody). B can’t fix the situation until the Monday after because it being a holiday weekend and all social services is closed. Turns out son (we’ll call him A) was outside NAKED in the cold tundra of the midwest (closer to canada then anything else) in November. Anyway A is okay now, however he is in B’s custody. Now B being a FO almost at his two year mark, can not provide the correct child care while at work for A. So A is now with B’s parents 4 states away.

This has created a few problems for us.

1) B has to split all his free time from work between me here and A four states away, which is about 3 days a week.

2) I’m now starting to feel resentment and anger towards B for having a child with another woman, other than being a little let down before that I wouldn’t have his first child, this is new. I don’t think I’ve ever been this upset about something that was needless to say just a mistake.

3) B and I fight alot now because of reason number 2. When I tell him I need more time than a day every week, which is about what I get, and the random 5 min phone calls here and there every day or so. He pulls the whole “what do you want me to do card” and other than telling him I need more time, I don’t know how he can fix it! BUT I NEED HIM TOO!!!

Tonight put me over the edge, when since Aug. we’ve been talking about taking a trip, and I tried to discuss it with him this weekend and was under the impression that he would be able to come. So tonight when I went to book my ticket (Spring Break season, I need to make sure I get there and get home on time!) He tells me if he can come it won’t be for the whole week. I’m just so full of anger towards the best guy in the whole world and even the cutest kid in the whole world, I don’t know what to do!

How do I get him to understand the pain I’m going through. Throughout our relationship, I’ve never had to share my time with anyone but the job. Now I’m splitting it with traveling to where A is and work and me. Its painful telling him I understand, when really I do, but I don’t think its fair, or when he asks me if his schedule is fine and telling him “no you can’t go see your son”. Thats tough, and not something I’m made to do.

SIGH

Are boys just really that emotionally clueless? Even the sensitive ones? And of coarse, my parents are worried about me but they don’t know what it feels like to go through this alone, neither do my friends. And don’t forget I’m trying to make it at my 40+ hour a week internship that includes classes and exams every freaking week!!! (I even have a final tomorrow) I’m so stressed out over my relationship that my studies are slacking. I’m really beginning to think I need therapy and medication to get through. That is not how I planned my life. And I don’t’ like planning it without B either.

Thats enough for tonight, I’ve calmed down a bit, maybe enough to even sleep.

Good night, and if you have any advice, please feel free to comment!

Well, after almost a year away from my site again, I’ve decided to post! I’ve survived 6 months on my own in a new town. My boyfriend, Ben, the pilot, has gotten his own place in a new town as well. We’re still together and going strong. He is getting ready to up-grade. And I’m starting my 2nd term at my internship for x-ray. I’m able to take chest x-rays and abdomen x-rays by myself already! Its been very exciting!!! I’m getting a roommate in Feb. She needs to get out of the living situation she is in, so I’m being a good friend and getting a new place! Hopefully it will go well! Anyway thats about all thats happening right now, I hope everyone had a good holiday season! and I promise to start posting more!

ps. still no ring!

Alright, So I knew It was here. I just have been really busy!

Ben and I are still going strong. Better than ever I suppose. I still have my moments where I think I can’t do it anymore, but I get over them. I’m actually doing much better at understand that pilots do not have strict schedules. At least I think I’m doing better.

Its been rough not having him avaible to see me on the weekends though. He would rather have a better schedule then weekends off. Which I understand however, as a student It would be nice to have him around on the weekends sometimes. My roommates seem to agree this week. I was rudely told this past week that if I wanted to see him It would have to be someplace other than the apartment.

However as it is finals weeks…I say weeks because I’m taking classes at a few different schools…this sucks. So now my parents are providing a hotel for Ben so I can see him. And when I should be getting a good nights sleep in my own bed I’ll be sleeping in some hotel’s crappy bed the night before a test. But I understand them But I dont’ think they are being fair since they flaut their boyfriends around all the time.

Anyway this is where I suggest DO NOT LIVE WITH EXTENDED FAMILY EVER!!! This would not be so hard to deal with if it wasn’t my cousin.

PS and By The Way if this post seems random its because I’m trying to remember all that I had written before I lost my post and Had to re do it.

Any I’m about ready to move about 3 weeks left and then its time to be a bum until I find out what school I got into and then If all goes the way I plan I’ll be living in the same city as Ben. Which will be a change As we’ve always had a long distance relationship.

But seeing as how I had one long post and had to redo it and its finals week number 1 I’m going to head out and study! I promise to do a better job posting.

Take Care and Safe Flying!

What did I tell you…it wouldn’t last to long…My feelings on our realtionship that is…I’m seriously messed up in the head, i want to break up with my greatest guy in the world because instead of talking to me he’d rather sleep…wtf is up with that??? Hey at least I can admit I have a problem…Ben is on day 3 of 4 today, so thats good almost done…Its hard not being able to talk to him like we use to talk, before the job started. Another thing that makes this really difficult..roommates…not his mine…they have thier boyfriend’s in town, whenever they need, they are a quick 3 min drive away, heck tonight, mines going to be ohh i dunno 10 states at least away?? I’m happy for them, I’m glad their boyfriends are in down but please stop complaining when you can’t see him for a day or two, not that they do that a lot but thats one thing that really ticks me off…I guess I’m just jealous and thats all there is to it….

Hi ya! Alright first of all I need to inform you incase you haven’t figured out from my last post, when it comes to typing on blogs, or messege boards, ims, or emails, if they aren’t to someone that I need them to be professional for I’m very causal in my typing. I don’t like to formulate real sentences I guess.

Now on to why I want to post:

Ben (My boyfriend, the FO) was up this week. It was wonderful, after the weekend I was really feeling discouraged about ‘us’ but after him being here for us to talk and for him to hold me, I’m feeling alot better. He is moving into a townhouse and out of the crash pad on the 1st, so that will help our realtionship to, we’ll be able to talk more freely and I can go stay with him and such. We had a good few days, did the couply things I was missing, and spent all the time together we could, he even came to physics with me He is on day one of a four day trip today. Flying all over. As of right now I’m definatly feeling that I can live without him but there is no way in Hell that I want to…give me a few days, I’m sure I’ll be wondering what I’m doing again, but I hope to keep this opinion instead of wanting it to be over again.

One thing however that I could do with out is all the airplane talk…I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT therefore it makes it very boring, its not every day but that is one thing that I have to deal with as I am a girlfriend of a pilot. I have learned a lot more than I knew a year ago (before we started dating). But as most people in this industry would think if they asked me a question would think I know nothing…I still feel that way.

A new learning experience is in the works for me as I will be flying non-rev next weekend to ohio. Now, coming from a family who didn’t travel much I’ve been on a commercial plane:

1. to DC when i was younger than one

2. to flordia in fourth grade

3. to south parde Island in 10th grade

4. to florida freshman year of school and

5. to Ohio over new year’s last year to see Ben

and my non commerical flight: Ben took me flying in a 2 seater (i believe its a Cessna,i dont’ know if i spelled that right, or if thats what it was)

So for going non-rev, I’m not sure what to do…how it works, what to pack (and being a girl thats going to be hard to carry on) and how to handle sitting at the airport, waiting for a flight..this will be an experience for me thats for sure but I’m also going into it thinking the worst: that i’ll be at the airport all day waiting for a flight I can get on…and eventually I’ll get there..

alright thats enough from me tonight, Sorry if I bored you, this is just me rambling…get use to it or move on

 

 

Howdy

This is my first post, and normally I wouldn’t be posting a post like I’m going to be, except I’m not sure where to turn, or where to seek advice, and I was hoping maybe someone would read this and help me out a bit…

The background info:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year (oct 05), he was offered his job with a regional in march, graduated in may, and started training a week later…I didn’t think we would make it through training, but we did…and tonight I hate his job, and getting quite upset with him over little stupid things that don’t matter…

the cause tonight:

him not calling me….now yes, we talk to each other and he eventually calls….

I’m upset thats all there is to it, not only at him but at myself, i get upset with him for not being around, and then upset with myself because i’m upset with him….and it seems no matter how hard i try to explain to him how i’m feeling, he doesn’t get it….

ARE THERE ANY WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS OUT THERE WHO CAN HELP ME OUT….give me advice on how to make our relationship work when I’m ready to give up?? please let me know

Thanks